The Radiant Joys of Marital Discipline

[Denise]

The Radiant Joys of Marital Discipline

December 2012
By Christopher J. Stravitsch

Christopher J. Stravitsch is a Fellow of Human Life International, serves on the Formation Faculty at Assumption Seminary in San Antonio, Texas, and is an adjunct faculty member at the Institute for Priestly Formation in Omaha.

“The practice of periodic continence…far from being a hindrance to [spouses’] love of one another, transforms it by giving it a more truly human character.” This statement by Pope Paul VI, from his landmark encyclical Humanae Vitae (no. 21), would likely be ignored by much of society today or scoffed at as an outdated joke. Practicing periodic continence as a form of natural family planning (NFP) is a bold contradiction in a culture accustomed to sex that is unmoored from marital commitment, requires no accountability or responsibility, and is understood as having no bearing on one’s purity of heart. Sadly, adherents to such a libertine lifestyle slowly suffer the emotional, physical, and spiritual consequences of their sexual “freedom.” Beneath their revelry, many find themselves fettered by shame and addiction, living with embittered relationships, broken hearts, and an absence of purpose.

On the other hand, there is a growing number of “NFP couples” among Catholics who understand that marriage truly is a sacrament. These couples take solace in Paul VI’s words and are encouraged as they have recourse to natural family planning. Intuitively, they understand via experience the “truly human character” that is fostered in their spousal love through the practice of periodic continence.

Each summer at the Institute for Priestly Formation in Omaha, Nebraska, couples who practice NFP share their stories with the one hundred and seventy-five diocesan seminarians who attend a ten-week spirituality program. Reflecting on NFP’s value in their marriage, one couple remarked that it “allows us to have greater reverence for each other. We know that we are truly loved by our spouse because there is never an artificial barrier between our total gift of self in marital union.”

Another couple related their experiences as they made the courageous transition to NFP after the husband had insisted for years that they use contraceptives. This shift gave an authentic freedom to the wife, who stated, “After three years of staying away from the sacraments because we were using ‘the Pill,’ I am now delightfully receiving Jesus again.” This “priceless gift,” as she described it, facilitated deeper communion with Christ and the Church.

Paul VI recognizes in Humanae Vitae that natural family planning demands “self-discipline,” yet, if spouses “persevere in their purpose and efforts, it has at the same time the salutary effect of enabling husband and wife to develop their personalities and to be enriched with spiritual blessings” (no. 21). Physically speaking, NFP permits a total self-giving between spouses as they do not withhold their fertility from each other. There is a spiritual aspect at work here as well: Since the human person is an integration of body and soul, what is professed through the action of the body is also a true expression of the soul. Natural family planning, which never places an artificial, contraceptive barrier between spouses, respects the integrity of the marital act. The “truly human character” of a sexual union that aims toward total self-gift, therefore, reminds spouses that they are called not only to give themselves to each other physically but spiritually as well.

St. Paul exhorts husbands to “love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word, that he might present to himself the church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish…” (Eph. 5:25-27). Each husband has been given the incredible gift — and the challenge — of reflecting Christ’s outpouring of love on the cross in his own marriage. Through his love, he must work tirelessly for his wife’s growth in holiness, “to sanctify her,” so she might be presented to God “without blemish.”

Every wife shares in this sacred mystery as well: “As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands,” St. Paul teaches (Eph. 5:24). Receptivity is a feminine quality. Befriending Mary as her model, each wife is invited to receive the outpouring of love from her spouse. In his Theology of the Body, Bl. John Paul II writes, “The husband is above all the one who loves and the wife, by contrast, is the one who is loved” (92:6). The wife, of course, is not simply a passive recipient in this exchange of love. As she receives her husband’s love, she in turn reciprocates this love and service to her husband.

Husband and wife must pour themselves out for each other in prayer, service, and loving sacrifice. In other words, they are called to become “helpmates” in the pursuit of holiness (cf. Gen. 2:18). They help each other pray, offer encouragement in virtue, and inspire self-giving love. In sum, they help each other to reflect the “image of God” in which they are created (cf. Gen. 1:27).

All of these goals are more easily within the reach of married couples who practice NFP because, as Paul VI states, this chaste discipline has a “salutary effect” that fosters a maturity of love by enriching them with “spiritual blessings.”

The seminarians who hear NFP couples’ stories at the Institute for Priestly Formation are blessed and inspired by the faithful witness of spouses who build their marriages upon the strong foundation of Church teaching. In fact, what they see in these couples encapsulates the “truly human character” to which NFP couples bear witness. One seminarian, after prayerfully observing a couple with their children, remarked, “When I see your family, I see the Holy Trinity.” Such high praise calls to mind the beautiful words of St. Augustine, who wrote, “If you see charity, you see the Trinity.” This humble couple radiated God’s love and exemplified charity. Together they demonstrated fidelity to Christ and the Church, openness to life, abounding love for their children, and trust in God’s providential care. In so doing, their marital love imaged the Holy Trinity in a very real way. They reflected God in and through their humanity and drew a young seminarian into a more profound understanding and appreciation of the divine mysteries.

The practice of periodic continence does indeed foster a “truly human character” in spousal love. Through this discipline, spouses become a shining witness to the spiritual blessings received in chastity. Married couples who have the “eyes to see and ears to hear” the profound truths that are professed in marital love through the practice of natural family planning more