The Spiritual Maxims of St. Francis de Sales

[Denise]

LIVING WITH OUR NEIGHBOR

Make many withdrawals into the midst of your heart, whilst you are outwardly in the midst of intercourse and business.

We must be able to find pleasure in ourselves when alone, and in our neighbor when in his company.

[Denise]

On Conduct

To seek the society of others and to shun it are two blameworthy extremes in the devotion of those who live in the world.

Do as little children do, who with one hand cling to their father, and with the other gather blackberries along the hedges.

I recommend to you the gentle and sincere courtesy which offends no one and obliges all, which seeks love rather than honor.

[Denise]

Be quiet, clean and neat, but not particular and dainty.

How much easier it is to adjust oneself to others than to bend them to our opinions and wishes.

It is a defect to be so rigorous, boorish and unsociable as not to be willing to take any recreation oneself, or permit others to do so.

[Denise]

If you have no need of recreation for yourself, you must help to make recreation for those who do need it.

Take care not to let yourself be moody and out of place with those about you.

We must, if possible, avoid making our devotion troublesome to others.

[Denise]

That playing and dancing may be permissible, we should take part in such things for the sake of recreation and not merely from fondness of them.

Make yourself a seller when you are buying, and a buyer when you are selling, and then you will sell and buy justly.

Though it is lawful to play games, to dance, to adorn oneself, to be present at proper plays, and to feast, yet to have an affection to such things is contrary to devotion, and extremely hurtful and dangerous.

[Denise]

If anyone helps you more than he is helped by you, realize that you are not his father but only his equal.

He that possesses something justly has more right to keep it justly than we have to wish to have it justly.

Be sure to avoid retaining anything belonging to someone else as far as possible.

[Denise]

To go to law and not be out of one's mind is scarcely granted to the saints.

ON REPUTATION

Trouble not yourself about human judgements.

A harvest of virtues should be reaped from a crop of insults and injuries.

Too often do we call the truths which offend us by the name of slander.

[Denise]

If you wish nothing to cross your life, desire not the reputation or the glory of the world.

So long as God is served, what does it matter whether it be by the exaltation or by the defamation of our good reputation?

Reputation is but a signboard to show where virtue lodges.

[Denise]

Excessive fear of losing a good name indicates a great distrust of its foundation, which is the truth of a good life.

What need for it to be known that you are of good family according to the world, if you are of the household of God.

When thought of whether people like you or not come into your mind, do not even look at them, for they will always like you as much as God wills.

[Denise]

Let God do with our life and our reputation and our honor as He chooses, for it is all His.

You should not show greater courage than in despising insults.

Complain as little as possible of all the wrongs which are done to you, for it is certain that ordinarily he who complains sins.

[Denise]

On Speaking

Mere silence is not wisdom, for wisdom consists in knowing when and how to speak and when and where to keep silent.

Let your speech be gentle, frank, sincere, straightforward, candid and faithful.

It is no virtue to be silent by nature, though it is a virtue to bridle one's tongue by reason.

[Denise]

There is no way of bad speaking other than too much speaking.

If charity does not draw us to speak of ourselves and of what belongs to us, we ought to keep silent on the subject.

Speak little or not at all of oneself or of what belongs to self.

[Denise]

He who talks little about himself does extremely well, for whether we peak of self in excusing ourselves or in accusing ourselves, whether in praising or dispraising ourselves, we shall see that our words serve ever as a bait to vanity.

We often show more disdain by the expression of our mind than the expression on our face.

If we say less than we should it is easy to add, but having said too much it is hard to take it off.

[Denise]

Be brief when you cannot be good.

Take it as a certain that your charity is not genuine if your words, no matter how true, are not charitable.

It is a sovereign remedy against lying to unsay the lie on the spot.

[Denise]

One kind word wins more willing service than a hundred harsh orders or stern reproofs.

Anger is quieted by a gentle word just as fire is quenched by water.

In order that you may always give good news, entertain others as if you came from the other world, for if you talk to them in the language of the parts where they live, it will be no great news to them.

Be at peace regarding what is said or done in conversation; for if good, you have something to praise God for, and if bad, something in which to serve God by turning your heart away from it.